Basic Race Report...

Now, being a recent transplant from the wilds of Phoenix(Dune... desert planet), I had heard of a Daytona party those crazy far-flung PNW Clowns threw every year to mark the passing of yet another top AMA event at the horribly unsafe track. Hmm, maybe the Wild West connection wasn't so off the mark after all...

Now that I'm here, and to boot, living in the house that would host the 2006 classic, this was my chance to attend one of the premier events in the life of a Clown -- the Daytona Bash and Go-Kart Open (my name for it; if one already exists, I'll defer to it). :)

It all started a week out from the 3/11 zero hour -- piñatas must be made, and I am to make them. Graham decides the object(s) of our two-wheeled frustrations should be in the shape of a ricer pimpmobile, and a chromed out cruiser, and we set out to the local party store to gather the raw materials. Scissors and Scotch tape in hand, I begin the gruesome task. Making the cruiser body was actually really difficult -- not only from a practical, booty-containing standpoint, but engineering? Duct tape is pushed into service when construction is resumed at John's house -- as an experienced builder of very delicate things, he was onto something -- I couldn't have pulled it off (literally!) without duct tape. :D

Warp -- Thursday, March 09. Elaine and Andy come up with a great idea -- why not rake that cruiser out? It's brilliant -- and solves some of the engineering problems. Imagine that -- raking a cruiser out SOLVING problems? :D Finishing the shape, now all that's left is to clothe it, and start the next one. Elaine meanwhile is done shopping -- there is a mountain of food to be prepared, and she alone is the matriarch of her kitchen fortress -- I tuck into a corner and jump when asked. :)

Friday, March 10 -- Elaine is cooking the mounds of taco meat and other dishes furiouser and furiouser -- she's still going by sundown and deep into the evening, as am I -- Andy and I head down to Wal-Mart and Central Market to get beer and limes and B-I-N-G-O salsa and toys. We roll into CM five minutes before closing -- good thing we knew what to get. Continuing construction into the morning, I wrap up the second piñata at 2am. Sheesh, little obsessed are we? :D

6am, zero hour -- whooo, don't feel so good. Nevertheless, I make my bed and take stock in the fact that today is gonna be a record-setting day -- I can sorta feel it. Through the sleep deprivation, kinda. :D 8am, Tom and John are the first Clowns in the door as the smell of dollar pancakes wafts through the air... bacon emerges from its sizzling cave as the 200 pre-show blags on, heralding the debauchery to come...

Mladin should just admit it. AMA racing is his comfort zone, and he's comfy, all right. Why race with people who can beat him? His last let-by of Jason DiSalvo was shooting the kid in a barrel -- someone needs to come down from WSB and rock his world for a season. I surface for another pair of tacos -- there's a lot of people here... faces familar and faces not. Filling the piñatas, I take a break in time to see Jeremy McWilliams lose a promising spot in eighth to complete and utter ineptitude in the Buell XB-RR pits... to rub salt in that wound, someone helpfully forgot to remove the sweatrag from Jeremy's suit hump... talk about some negative publicity. A bit later, Miguel DuHamel in the FX race is leading by miles when he loses the bike to a highside -- planting his visor onto the top triple, fragging his windscreen and judo-flipping him onto the infield... amazingly, he remounts and continues to ride at race pace, with no windscreen and a visor with only one side attached! Another victim of Daytona hijinks, his pit tries unsuccessfully to duct tape the loose side, which not only doesn't stick, but does stick to his clutch hand! Never a dull moment.

It's time now... for the karting. Oh yes. Graham puts me first on the list, and after a few adjustments are made to the twin lipstick cams and MyChron laptimer (which worked wonderfully, when it worked), I jettison my shoes and don my flip-flops with socks -- they'll be easier to clean than my only pair of street shoes (gotta love not being able to move all of my stuff). Brake left, accel right -- GO!!!!!!!!

Now, the only other time I've ridden a motorized cart of any kind, was way back in the '80s. Add a muddy, downhill and obstacle-riddled track, and experience points dwindle to nothing. Which is what it felt like -- you may as well be going 100 mph as 3 mph, as the fronts don't turn the kart unless you load them with brake! Mid-course, I bash the infamous That Root and feel both the kart violently rotate under me, and my spinal column accordian as my head bashes the rollcage and face simulltaneously pales in abject terror, mud flung from the front wheels into my gritted teeth... past That Root is the Anti-Root -- a two-foot drop that bashes my tailbone as my flip-flop nearly sails into my mouth. And oh... is that a 90-degree left? Miraculously, I am not in the sticks... but the chute and driveway are yet to be ridden. Speed judgement is double when you have no suspension and little rudder. Three laps of that, and I'm speechless... but also with ear-bending grin. :D

Also equally impressed are a record number of karters, from a record number of Bashers -- a total of about fifteen people turn out to be peppered with mud and slathered with Edge of Lack of Control. My time of 38.74 seconds is eclipsed in short order by six other karters, with Alan's time of 35 seconds and change being the standard on the day. Female karters Thoa and Kelly win Closest to Inverted and Top Vocal Performance by a Karter, respectively. Girl karters are kool. :D

Finally, my event -- the piñata bust rally. Karters navigate the first 2/3 of the course, slow to pick up a stick on the side of the course, and have a go at a dangling piñata while driving, hopefully releasing rains of sugary goodness. But noooo, I had to use too much duct tape on the ricer's construction -- even John running the dang thing over didn't bust it open. Finally, it took the strong arm of a Raber Saber to inflict the death blow (nearly folded the thing in half). Note for next year: less duct tape, more scoring to encourage failure. We don't even use the cruiser, as by the time the piñata is duly gutted, 6pm is on the clock. Cruiser-ñata will serve at Laguna this June -- when we'll do this again! If I have anything to do about it, it will be without That Root. :D

All in all, a smash hit. Can't wait to see what other gems the Clowns have for fun... ;)

2006 Daytona 200 Bash and Go-Kart Open